Unsolicited Advice Girl

Worst Super Hero Ever!

I consider myself a “self-help junky.” You name a self improvement book, I’ve read it or it’s on my list. For the longest time my motto was, “If you’ve got a problem, I know a book!” I would give out unsolicited advice like it was Halloween Candy, except no one was willingly holding their bags open. Please picture me in spandex and a cape, running down and tackling trick-or-treater’s in the streets; shoving candy into their bags with a giant smile on my face, while tears well up in their eyes.

I felt it was my job to impart the wisdom I had learned on anyone who dare tell me about their woes. Trouble with a co-worker, I got you! Trouble with kids, no problem. Can’t get your dog to listen to you, oh yeah! Of course they want to know how to live a better, happier, more fulfilling life… just like me.

I spent much of my time telling others how they should live, and what they should and shouldn’t do. During this time in my life, I had an idea to become a life coach! I could get paid to tell people how to live. Score! I mean I was giving it away any how.

Oh dear, was I wrong. As well meaning as my intention was to help everyone end, (what I perceived as) their suffering, I was unknowingly communicating they were incapable of figuring it out on their own. How much time would you want to spend with someone who shoulded all over you? I have now come across several author’s who write about “should” being synonymous with “shame”.

This makes so much sense, and for that I own many many apologizes for the unsolicited advice I forced on people I loved, and who could have greatly benefited from my compassion, understanding, and support. From the depths of my heart, I am sorry.

You may not find it surprising that my list of friends got pretty bleak. The few people who chose to stay, see through to my very big heart, and past my very big mouth. They understand my intention. My desire to help, albeit misplaced for so long. To these people I owe deep gratitude. Thank you for hanging in there and believing in me!

In the end I have come to understand I don’t have anyone else’s answers. In fact, often I don’t have my own answers. I have worked very hard to get where I am today. It’s been a path worthy of my travel. I am proud of where I stand. Here is a new space for friendship and connection to grow.

I have become a life coach, which is not at all what I thought it was. It is much, much more. A life coach doesn’t give you answers or advice. A life coach supports their clients in discovering what is most important to them; to ask questions without judgement or expectation. Life coach’s help people craft the life they want to live. A life coach is a cheer leader! A shoulder when things didn’t go as planned. Lastly a coach will help you stay focused on what you are here to do. If life isn’t a 10 out of 10, it might help to talk to a coach. I truly believe everyone deserves to have an amazing life, whatever that means to them!

2 thoughts on “Unsolicited Advice Girl

  1. Great post, Tessandra! Very thought-provoking.

    I think it’s an inherent human instinct to advise each other. Even small children advise their parents (and strangers too). It probably has some survival advantage since every now and then the advice might be useful. But, yeah, I agree with you that it presumes quite a bit about the person you are advising which is not necessarily true.

    I like your approach to being a life coach!. Love it, in fact.


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