More About Unsolicited Advice Girl

A valuable lesson I discovered on my continual journey of self exploration is, I never gave anyone advice I didn’t need to hear myself. Ponder this, what do you hate in others?

“Look at these drunks wasting their lives in a bar.” I would exclaim from the other end of the bar two shots over my limit. “I can’t stand these ladies I work with, all they do is gossip no stop.” I would state right before going off on an in-depth character assassination. “People shouldn’t drink and drive.” Even though I myself was justifying my own drinking and driving.

We outwardly hate in other’s what we don’t want to or can’t see in ourselves. Every time I recommended a book it was a book I needed, with lessons I wanted to be living by. I was unaware of this at the time I engaged in these behaviors (giving unsolicited advice and judging others). I am certainly not immune to them even now that I am aware of these things. But, I believe awareness is the starting place of change. We cannot change that which we are unaware of – this statement may be from something I read.

Consider this, when I believe they should or shouldn’t, or I should or shouldn’t, I am fighting with reality. This was a hard one to get at first. I was spending so much of my energy fighting with what was or what might be. In The Untethered Soul (one of my most favored books) Michael A. Singer writes, “Everything will be ok, once you are ok with everything.” I believe this to be true.

I am an imperfect human, and I am willing to accept what is. I no longer give unsolicited advice, because I accept everyone’s individual journey. We are all fellow travelers, no one’s journey is more or less then my own. This has been an important lesson to learn, allowing me to experience great joy in the face of whatever this moment has to offer.

2 thoughts on “More About Unsolicited Advice Girl

  1. This is a well-written and insightful piece, in my opinion. Contemplating what we hate in others as a reflection of ourselves is interesting. I think what we dislike in others also reveals inner-values. For example, if I hate ‘stupid behavior’ by others, I equally hate what I perceive as ‘stupid behavior’ in my own life, while also revealing what I value beneath these judgements: intelligence, awareness, thoughtfulness, etc.


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