A Moment in the Darkness

The past week or so I found myself truly struggling. I was overcome by thoughts about not being good enough, not having enough, not doing enough, and on, and on. I know these things aren’t true, but when I am in the grips of them it’s hard to see a way out.

My partner and child are so supportive, repeating back the tools I often use. It’s not personal. Is that true? How can I support you right now? I am so blessed to have them in my life. The hugs and comfort are deeply appreciated.

When I could be in the moment, I felt calm and peaceful, but it was a state which was hard to hold on to. This practice of being present or mindful, is just that, a practice. It is easy to be present when my thoughts are here in the moment; loving the light coming in through the window, enjoying the sound of my cat purring, enthusiastically helping someone with a problem.

When the darkness falls, it is time to do the work! It’s time to face what comes up. Hold myself with compassion and love. Give those thoughts space, allow them to be. Remember, I am not my thoughts. My thoughts are not personal. I will keep practicing! I will not give up!

I have come a very long way on this journey of self discovery. I am not even the same person I was 2 years ago. I have given up alcohol, cigarettes, and now watch almost no television. I was checked out of my life. I was living as an Adult Child. The victim of life happening to me. These traits which I have lived for so long are a deeply worn path. I choose to walk a new path, and accept when I stumble and fall back into those old habits.

I believe in myself! I can accomplish anything I set my mind to!