When I first started this website it was going to be a place to post my podcast episodes. I did a podcast episode, hope you enjoyed it, which helped me realize something very important to me, connection. I have a need for connection which will not be met by podcasting. I am going to be blogging on this site regularly sharing my journey as well as ACA related information. To fulfill my need for connection I am currently seeking public speaking gigs, and will be starting a ACA group. Thank you for your continued support!
I once did a project in an interpersonal communications class in college, whereby we could draw a house or a face. The teacher would then tell us what she could discern about us from our artistic expression. I made a picture of a girl with bright red curly hair, bright energy filled eyes, a great big smile, and ears – all the better to hear you with my dear. I can’t recall the complete diagnosis revealed from my picture, but I do remember. The eye showed my constant observation of my surroundings, the ears my openness to listen, and the smile… A clear disguise for my internal pain. The smile of a person who presents perfection, is all squared away, but is really one stiff breeze away from completely unraveling.
I feel more self aware these days, but somedays this is still what’s behind the smile.
I will take action from a place of loving kindness. I will accept, with loving kindness, the choices of others.
Through the darkness my light will shine.
I am willing to always live my values; Acceptance, Generosity, Integrity, Service, and Learning.
Nothing’s personal, From The Four Agreements: ”Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” By Don Miguel Ruiz
Be strong my beautiful friend, we’ve come this far!
ACA Version of the Serenity Prayer
grant me the Serenity to accept the people I cannot change
the courage to change the one I can
and the wisdom to know that one is me
Being an Adult Child does not mean a person is immature. In fact, growing up I heard all the time “your’re so grown up for your age.” This is because as a child growing up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional home I had to learn things well before my time. At times I had to provide my own parenting; a responsibility children are not equipt to handle.
Adult Children respond to situations from the stand point of reactors not actors. Always living moment to moment waiting for the next thing to react to. This can be a very stressful, unhealthy, and painful state.
According to an article by MentalHelp.net, 30 million children are born to alcoholic parents. The effects of Alcoholism is a family disease and it is affecting millions daily. Many people who come from homes without alcoholism will also relate to the traits of being an Adult Child. These traits developed in homes where children are shamed, abused, and are (feel) abandoned. Situations are perspective based. Take for example two children growing up in the same house hold, they will often have a completely different perspective on what family life was like. Parents will also have a greatly different perspective on the family life.
If this material conjures up somethong inside you, then know, you’re not alone! There are many Adult Children out there. We don’t have to live this way. There is a choice, and it’s ours to make. We can stop being the victim. We can do what’s in OUR BEST INTEREST, even when someone else doesn’t like it… (that one can seem really scary)
It’s time to ask ourselves if this is the right path for us? Is this the direction I want to be heading? Where is this path taking me? Where DO I want to go? Is this way of life serving me? What’s a better (even better) way to be?
Make the best of today, and everyday! Forgive yourself and others! Don’t “should” all over yourself or others. (That’s a discussion for another post)
Getting to know your host, and discovering: “Am I an Adult Child?”
Books/texts I mentioned in this podcast:
- Big Magic By Elizabeth Gilbert
- Adult Children of Alcoholics (AKA: The Big Red Book/BRB) by ACA WSO
- Co-Dependent No More (I may not have stated correctly in the podcast, but this is what I meant) By Melody Beattie
- Daily Affirmations Strengthening My Recovery Meditations for Adult Children of Alcoholics / Dysfunctional Families By ACA WSO
- The Laundry List By Tony A.
- 25 Questions: Am I an Adult Child By ACA WSO
My name is Tessandra and I am here with a desire in my heart to inform people about what it is to be an Adult Child. I want to support my fellow travelers on their healing journey. And, I want to brake the “don’t talk, don’t trust, don’t feel,” mantra we have deeply ingrained within us from our childhoods.
If you are a fellow Adult Child, Welcome! If you are unsure if you are an Adult Child, Welcome! I intend to create a space for all; where love, compassion, and understanding reign.
If you have made it here, then there is probably some part of you longing for something more. There is an unsettled part of you desperate to MAKE everything OK. To make everyone OK. Always looking outside ourselves has caused us much suffering. Our hearts are ready for a rest. Come in friend, take a load off.
This Adult Child is a safe place, where I intend to share about Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families (ACA). Some people have heard me say dysfunctional and chime back “What’s normal these days anyway?” I will agree with the point of dysfunction being rampant, but does that mean we must accept it as the norm?
I have made a choice to strive for emotional sobriety with the support of my twelve step, twelve tradition ACA group. I want to share what this group is about, and hope to support others looking to heal.
I am in the ACA because I want to end the generational dysfunction past down to me by my alcoholic parents. I am a parent and I what my daughter to group up in an environment where she feels safe to share her thoughts, feelings, and emotions. I want her to know an excepting unconditional love, no matter what! I wish her to experience:
- a loving relationship with herself and others
- Making wise choices about what she does with her body
- Going for her hearts desires
- Communicating with loving kindness even in the face of anger or fear
- The joy of taking personal responsibility in her life
- An abundance of self worth, knowing she’s loved and cherished
- An open perspective, always willing to expand and grow
- A life filled with Love and Appreciation